Can't Shake This Feeling
by Pixielullaby
Summary: Companion to "Dance with Me". (Prettier series) Trigger warnings.


This is an old AU. It's the companion piece to "Dance with Me" which is Sparia.

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own anything.

* * *

She runs in on you with a piece of cold glass sliding across your arm, tears running down your face, and once realisation takes place, she's crying too.. At least on the inside.

On the outside she has to be strong.

If not for herself than for you.

She cleans up the mess you made as you sit on the bed with gauze wrapped around your arm. The bleeding wasn't that bad but Spencer knows you well enough to know that if you could see the wounds, you'd pick at them.

Once she's done in the bathroom she climbs into bed with you, pulling you into her lap.. And you cry just like every time before except now you're not just hurting yourself, you're hurting the girls.. You're hurting Spencer.. And you want to stop but you can't.

* * *

It's a nasty habit, cutting..

You picked it up when you were thirteen, when Alison told you it helped get rid of the pain..

Though looking back, and comparing your life then to your life now, you just can't seem to figure out what it was that was so damn painful when you were only thirteen.

Now five years later here you are at school, sitting at the same table you always do, with the same people, wearing a dark blue Princeton hoodie that's just the perfect size of too-big-on-you, just like everything that Spencer lets you borrow.

They're staring at you, all three of them and you can feel a fourth pair of eyes burning into the back of your head because _he_ 's watching you too.

"How are you feeling?" Emily asks you like she's talking to a child.

Which you kind of are mentally, at least that's how you're functioning, because the rest of you is beaten and in rehab.

"Better.." You say with your head buried in your arms. They don't hurt, so you don't see any reason to not hide in them.

"Can I see?" Spencer asks.

She doesn't seem cautious like Emily or Hanna.

Purely curious, because she's never really seen them during healing, only covered in blood and as too-white scars on your already pale skin.

You look at her, then Emily and Hanna..

They seem shocked, as if Spencer was crazy for asking that question, but she just looks determine. You pull your sleeve up, making sure no one is around to see, because you're showing Spencer.

You don't care that the girls nearly break their necks trying to see over the table, they want to know too, but you're only going out of your way for her.

She kisses the small group of cuts and then the back of your hand before letting you pull the sleeve down again. Emily scrunches her eyebrows over her nose as if she were thinking extremely hard, and looks at Spencer..

"Hey I thought you broke all those Jelly Band things with Ezra?" Hanna asks.

Emily smiles at her and you wonder if they know how perfect they'd be together.

"She can't break those ones with Ezra.." Emily giggled.

"Well, Why not?" Hanna asked dumbfoundedly.

Emily whispered something in her ear.

You're guessing it was the meaning for the color green because Hanna blushed and laughed.

"Ohh.. Nevermind.."

Then she mumbled something under her breath that sounded distinctly like the words 'Of course _you_ would know..' toward Emily who smacked her hand.

"You look tired." Spencer rubbed a small circle on your back and you rested your head against her shoulder.

"I am. I just wanna go home.. "

But you can't because Hanna drove you to school this morning.

"Want me to take you?" Spencer cooed and you nodded.

"Come on" She slipped her purse up her shoulder and grabbed your hand.

Walking from the table you look back to your friends who are smiling at each other like nothing is wrong anymore.

Like now that you've left, with your problems quickly running after you, their world can be happy and beautiful again, because it's just them..

They would make the best lovers, you decide, because no matter where they are they only need each other.

No matter how painfully sad and dark the world around them gets, they always seem to be each other's light at the end of the darkest tunnel.

When Hanna was still big, Emily would still tell her she was beautiful, no matter what venom Ali would spit at her for doing so.

Then when Emily was getting help for her addictions, Hanna was right there with a ton of food and every episode of gossip girl she could find on dvd. You just can't understand how two people, so obviously meant for each other, could be so blind to it all.

You slide into Spencer's car and buckle up. It's not like she's a speed demon, or as if it's more than two miles to your house, but Spencer always wants you safe, which makes sense because you always feel safer with her anyways.

You could be holding a lit stick of dynamite, and as long as Spencer was there, you'd feel invincible..

It's when she leaves that you realise you're playing with life and death, and when Spencer's not there, you find that you've stopped trying to win.

* * *

That's another bad habit..

Playing with fire.

It's true that you always get burned.

You picked up that habit when you and Ali used to throw stink bombs into the boy's locker rooms after school, that stopped after the Jenna thing..

But watching those flames lick over skin and old love notes between friends, still never quite seemed to bore you.

You're almost home now as the sun shines through your window. It's just a small amount before it disappears for what may be the rest of the day, Rosewood is bleak most days..

That's why you hate Ravenswood so damn much.

No matter what the weather is it's always grey..

You think they should just paint the town black and white and save themselves the falseness of joy.

You pull into your driveway and get out of the car. You left your keys inside this morning, but Spencer quickly whips out the spare she's had since the fifth grade.

Oddly enough she'd kept it all those years ago, incase she ever needed to get to you..

It's come in handy more than a few times.

"Are you hungry at all? Do you want some coffee?" She asks you, already kitchen bound.

"No." You gently shake your head.

Her face falls a little seeing you like this, but goes back to something of concern.

"You have to eat eventually.. and when you do I'm making you mush.." A small smile tugs at your lips and hers returns in full.

Mush has been your favorite food since the third grade. It's made up of steak, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, gravy, and anything else of a meal you want, thrown in a bowl and mixed together.. What once was leftover Wednesday had become you and Spencer's favorite day of the week.

You ascended the steps with her trailing close behind you, and slipping into your room you close the door. You don't know why you always close it, even if you're home alone.

Maybe it's the fact that you know you're never completely alone..

Or maybe it's the fact that you feel alone no matter who's home so you just complete the feeling, but Spencer's here now, and you don't have to feel alone.

Just safe.

You remove your jeans and swap them for shorts, and then turn on the radio.

It's not cold but you still won't take off Spencer's hoodie. It still smells like her and with her now lying behind you, that natural coffee and cinnamon smell really hits you, and somewhere you make sense of that..

If smells were colors, you feel like her scent would match her eyes.

Some violent mix between brown and red, that catches like fire in the right path of sunlight, and you can't keep her out of your mind.

* * *

That's more of a hobbie..

Art.

Photography, drawing, painting.. But she shows up in everything.

You do landscapes, and portraits of strangers, and murals for your portfolio, but Spencer is just too tempting of a subject.

You run out entire rolls of film watching her eyes catch fire.

You have sketchpads and notebooks full of her smile.

You have stacks of unwaisted canvas leaning against your wall, because Spencer is forever the perfect muse. If you are anything at all it's an artist, for the pure fact that an artist is only as good as their inspiration, and Spencer inspires you.

A kiss is placed on your slightly exposed shoulder, as a gentle hand wraps around yours and you can't help but wonder..

"Spencer?" Because her name is a constant question.

"Yeah?" She looks at you.

Something in those red eyes say she wonders too.

"Dance with me." You get up and turn the music up, as Spencer rolls off your bed.

The song is slow and soft and you lay your head against her shoulder as you sway to the sound of it.

You focus too much on the sound of her heartbeat to hear the lyrics but it doesn't seem to matter.

You push yourself on your toes and kiss her, and as her tongue grazes your bottom lip you finally realize why you love her so much.

* * *

Spencer's the habit you can't kick.

Not as dangerous as cutting..

Just as wild as a match..

Twice as beautiful as any drawing.

Maybe Hanna and Emily saw it, when you couldn't.

Maybe you were as blind as they are and now the world is becoming clear.

* * *

Now here you are at school, sitting at the same table you always do, with the same people, wearing a dark blue Princeton hoodie that's just the perfect size of too-big-on-you, but now it belongs to your girlfriend.

Hanna's wearing a green bracelet and the sun is shining down on a surprisingly beautiful day in Rosewood.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_. It's a little dark, but the gem of it's time. It's all original except for spelling and grammar corrections.  
I post every Tuesday and Thursday so be sure to check the account for new stories and updates. Remember to review, good or bad, and PM me prompts, pairings, and suggestions. I read EVERYTHING and I love getting to talk to you and hearing your ideas and thoughts.


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